Bride: I HATE my hair and can’t get married looking like this!
VOWS: A few pins, a fresh flower, food and a BIG drink. Problem solved.
Groom: I forgot to pick up Poco the Chihuahua Ring Bearer! OMG, Poco, the one thing she wanted today!
VOWS: Key please and the VOWS assisant is off to the client’s apartment to retrieve said dog. Bride is none the wiser.
Groomsman: I can’t roll joints on the cake table and eat the cake during the ceremony?
VOWS: Cake rotates 180 degrees, “mess” cleaned from table, and cab for one for the other “mess” (with the client’s permission, of course).
Bride: No! It’s raining and I’m about to walk down the aisle outside!
VOWS: Cut to VOWS assistant running to Target to get umbrellas for all the guests and bridal party.
Groomsmen: We’re supposed to have this space reserved in this park, but there are a bunch of squatters that won’t move their blankets.
VOWS: Parks department call and some individual “requests” solve the problem…eventually.
Mother of the Bride: The church lady is having a meltdown and is making the bride cry, won’t let the photographer shoot in the sanctuary, etc.
VOWS: Negotiation with said church lady about it being the bride’s day and offering “help” (i.e. lining everyone up and working directly with the officiant.) I told the photographer just to do “what he has to do” to get the shots the client wants. They have a beautiful album today.
Bride: I forgot my dance dress for our ballroom number! (10PM night-of wedding)
VOWS: Cut to busting into the bride’s parents’ home in Laurelhurst, digging through a closet, and racing back to the reception in Capitol Hill.
Caterer: 200 people in line at the bar for their first drink (2nd bartender flaked last minute).
VOWS: Red or white?
Bride: My grandma is upset she doesn’t have a corsage. Crap! I should have splurged more on the flowers!
VOWS: Hello hotel lobby centerpiece! You won’t miss one flower will you? Some tape and a pin means one happy granny!